Alert readers may have guessed (because most of you know me, and also it is in the title of this blog) that I have a great deal of social anxiety.
It has improved over the course of my life. For instance, I spent my 4th year, would-be (it wasn't) senior year of college vomiting nearly every morning out of straight up anxiety. The prospect of going to class where there would be, you know, other people and the possibility that I might have to stand up in front of them and say words frightened me so deeply that my body fought back. Turns out, my previous 20-something years of social interaction suddenly unhappened and I simply forgot how. Granted, a lot of other things were going on with depression, etc, and all of that combined helped prompt me to ask for some damn help, BUT STILL.
I don't do that anymore. But there are bad days.
For the people who live under rocks, the East Coast got slammed with a blizzard this weekend. Which meant, naturally, that in the week prior, everybody -- and I mean EVERYBODY -- was at the store buying enough bread, milk and toilet paper to choke a horse.
Picture me circling like an overly-caffeinated vulture around the dairy aisle at Safeway. First loop: a person was checking their grocery list on their phone directly in front of the yogurt that I wanted (or watching porn silently, I don't know their life). Second loop: another person. Third loop: No people, so I went in for further investigation. There was just one key lime greek yogurt cup: IT WAS MINE. But it was on the top shelf and I am not that tall, so I would have to step on the lowest shelf to get i -- OH GOD ANOTHER PERSOn. Away I scuttled. Fourth loop: RETURN OF THE GROCERY LIST CHECKING/PORN WATCHING LADY. Fifth loop: No one.
This was it. Key lime greek yogurt or die.
I practically flung myself at the shelf, snatched my bounty, and scurried away like an overlarge rodent.
As I sit here eating said greek yogurt (made tastier for the battle won to attain it, or something), it occurs to me that probably I could have used one or two of the myriad tools I've learned over the years of therapy to, you know, not freak out in the dairy aisle of Safeway. I wanted to share some of those tools with you all, just in case your fight or flight impulses start to override your desire for sweet, tangy deliciousness. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT.
Some of these are for in the moment panic situations, others are for helping deal with day-to-day anxieties. I have dealt with anxiety like an undercurrent through my life for as long as I can remember. Some days are easy, some days I turn into a squirrel at the grocery store.
1. Acknowledge the fact that you are maybe, very possibly, freaking the fuck out a little. That's okay. You are okay.
2. Take out your phone and use all of your senses to tell yourself a little story about it. Like so: This phone is real. The case is matte black and hard-but-smooth. The glass is shattered because I dropped a mug on it, and the surface is now a little rough but it won't cut me. So often, anxiety puts us in a constant state of fight-or-flight, and our poor little human bodies are not meant to be in that state all the time. It is too much. Tell yourself the story of something real; engage your senses. This tactile practice gently but surely pulls me back into reality. Where the people are, yes, but also lunch.
3. Breathing. I know. I KNOW. If you are self aware enough to know you've got anxiety and also have internet access, you have probably read 45093450945 articles telling you to breathe. But truly: just fucking breathe a little. Count if you have to. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Your chest will rise and fall with life. Breathe deep into your belly. This is also called diaphragmatic breathing.
3. Get the fuck out. Even if just for a moment. Excuse yourself if you need to, step out of the room and go to a quiet place (a bathroom stall, or an empty hallway) and just be there. Think of this like the first time you were in a college class and didn't have to raise your hand to ask to go to the bathroom. It feels weird at first, but taking care of yourself sometimes means being alone for a minute or twelve. You'd be surprised how many people will understand.
4. Meditating. Y'all. I do not like to meditate. It is next to impossible for me and it pisses me off that it works so nicely when I actually do it. I prefer guided meditations, however: like this one! Or this one!
5. Writing. Write down your feelings. Your feelings are great. They suck, but they're great. Keeping track of them can be both helpful for future reference (instances in which you feel anxious or bad, to bring up when talking to people about these things, to know for yourself) and for catharsis.
What works for you?
PS -- I'm not a doctor. I feel this is obvious, but ... just in case.
It has improved over the course of my life. For instance, I spent my 4th year, would-be (it wasn't) senior year of college vomiting nearly every morning out of straight up anxiety. The prospect of going to class where there would be, you know, other people and the possibility that I might have to stand up in front of them and say words frightened me so deeply that my body fought back. Turns out, my previous 20-something years of social interaction suddenly unhappened and I simply forgot how. Granted, a lot of other things were going on with depression, etc, and all of that combined helped prompt me to ask for some damn help, BUT STILL.
I don't do that anymore. But there are bad days.
For the people who live under rocks, the East Coast got slammed with a blizzard this weekend. Which meant, naturally, that in the week prior, everybody -- and I mean EVERYBODY -- was at the store buying enough bread, milk and toilet paper to choke a horse.
Picture me circling like an overly-caffeinated vulture around the dairy aisle at Safeway. First loop: a person was checking their grocery list on their phone directly in front of the yogurt that I wanted (or watching porn silently, I don't know their life). Second loop: another person. Third loop: No people, so I went in for further investigation. There was just one key lime greek yogurt cup: IT WAS MINE. But it was on the top shelf and I am not that tall, so I would have to step on the lowest shelf to get i -- OH GOD ANOTHER PERSOn. Away I scuttled. Fourth loop: RETURN OF THE GROCERY LIST CHECKING/PORN WATCHING LADY. Fifth loop: No one.
This was it. Key lime greek yogurt or die.
I practically flung myself at the shelf, snatched my bounty, and scurried away like an overlarge rodent.
As I sit here eating said greek yogurt (made tastier for the battle won to attain it, or something), it occurs to me that probably I could have used one or two of the myriad tools I've learned over the years of therapy to, you know, not freak out in the dairy aisle of Safeway. I wanted to share some of those tools with you all, just in case your fight or flight impulses start to override your desire for sweet, tangy deliciousness. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT.
Some of these are for in the moment panic situations, others are for helping deal with day-to-day anxieties. I have dealt with anxiety like an undercurrent through my life for as long as I can remember. Some days are easy, some days I turn into a squirrel at the grocery store.
1. Acknowledge the fact that you are maybe, very possibly, freaking the fuck out a little. That's okay. You are okay.
2. Take out your phone and use all of your senses to tell yourself a little story about it. Like so: This phone is real. The case is matte black and hard-but-smooth. The glass is shattered because I dropped a mug on it, and the surface is now a little rough but it won't cut me. So often, anxiety puts us in a constant state of fight-or-flight, and our poor little human bodies are not meant to be in that state all the time. It is too much. Tell yourself the story of something real; engage your senses. This tactile practice gently but surely pulls me back into reality. Where the people are, yes, but also lunch.
3. Breathing. I know. I KNOW. If you are self aware enough to know you've got anxiety and also have internet access, you have probably read 45093450945 articles telling you to breathe. But truly: just fucking breathe a little. Count if you have to. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Your chest will rise and fall with life. Breathe deep into your belly. This is also called diaphragmatic breathing.
3. Get the fuck out. Even if just for a moment. Excuse yourself if you need to, step out of the room and go to a quiet place (a bathroom stall, or an empty hallway) and just be there. Think of this like the first time you were in a college class and didn't have to raise your hand to ask to go to the bathroom. It feels weird at first, but taking care of yourself sometimes means being alone for a minute or twelve. You'd be surprised how many people will understand.
4. Meditating. Y'all. I do not like to meditate. It is next to impossible for me and it pisses me off that it works so nicely when I actually do it. I prefer guided meditations, however: like this one! Or this one!
5. Writing. Write down your feelings. Your feelings are great. They suck, but they're great. Keeping track of them can be both helpful for future reference (instances in which you feel anxious or bad, to bring up when talking to people about these things, to know for yourself) and for catharsis.
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| WORTH IT |
PS -- I'm not a doctor. I feel this is obvious, but ... just in case.
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